Playing The Game Of Life

Well, we made it. Jo and I completed our 15-hour drive from Indiana back to the Villages, FL. We’re officially snowbirds.

Our summer was filled with fun family events, and constant routine medical checkups with all kind of specialists. The week before we left, we scheduled our annual visit to the heart doctor. Two thumbs up, keep on keeping on, see ya next year!

The doctor’s chit-chat was out of the normal realm and grabbed my attention. “Mr. Miller, statistically you have out lived your peers very well; particularly when you factor in the cancer.” I commented that it may have more to do with inheriting good genes from my elders.

He pushed back. “Mr. Miller, I see many seniors, and good genes help. In the game of life, death eventually wins – however you can still choose how to play. You must be doing a lot of things right.”

I thanked him for the compliment. Jo and I discussed it during our drive to Florida. We’ve watched elders live out their last years, some loving every minute of it, while others were old and bitter; a very unappealing choice for either of us.

The Social Security Administration publishes a Life Expectancy Calculator. It’s pretty cool, enter your birthday and off you go:

My first reaction was excitement; I’ll be able to see my youngest grandson graduate from college. I decided to push my luck and looked at the Social Security actuarial table. If a male lives to 92, they have a good shot at making it to 96.

Back To Reality

SSA notes that family history, current health and lifestyle are major factors in playing the game. While we can’t change the family history, we still make choices regarding our health and lifestyle. With little time remaining, why not make it fun?

Jo regularly sends me stuff which I call “Facebook Wisdom” – tidbits and tips on life, happiness and longevity. When one hits home, I’ll print it out and put it in a special folder. After the discussion with the heart doctor, when we got to Florida I opened the folder, and it was full of things we can relate with. This week I’m going to share some tips, coupled with our experience.

Yes, death will win, however, I’m a believer in living until you die; might as well play the game as long as your health allows and have fun for the rest of the ride.

What is the goal?

Living with a peaceful mind is success. Over time I’ve realized that happiness is a choice, and begins with your mind – peace becomes default.

I’m fed up with the daily drama of TV news. Career politicians are going to choose what helps their election chances over what is right for the country, with the media constantly fanning the flames.

There are certain people that are always so dramatic they flat wear you out listening and trying to help. Over time you give up on trying to help, and you get tired of their never-ending tales of woe….

Slowly, over time Jo and I both have moved away from the constant cause of stress; particularly concerning things which will continue for decades. We survived Vietnam, Carter inflation, the internet boom/bust, the 2008 bank bailouts and more.

The politicos and media move from crisis to crisis, trying to keep the public riled up. It pays them well to do so, but doesn’t do our blood pressure and peace of mind any good.

We seldom watch TV news talk shows with the constant arguing and screeching. Our social circle has evolved, drifting away from the drama kings/queens.

One tidbit needs to be added here. It’s impossible to build your happiness on the unhappiness of others. Find your joy in the success of your friends, family and loved ones, not the struggles of others….

The more you seek approval, the more frustrated you become. This is easier said than done. If you can’t say “NO” without guilt, you don’t control your life.

This is challenging; particularly with long term friends. There are times where you must change the environment. The ability to mentally walk away is strength.

As grandparents, we’ve found things we were expected to do in our 60s, we are unable or unwilling to do today. The negotiations may cause some stress, but the ability to say “NO” without guilt is liberating.

Things you ignore today become bigger problems tomorrow. It’s easy to procrastinate and put things off until tomorrow. Problems that need to be addressed will not go away.

Not all problems can be solved in conventional ways. There are times where you can’t change the environment. Sometimes the best you can do is change how you think about it.

Over the years Jo and I have a few friends we nicknamed “The Bickersons.” The wife/husband does something and immediately the spouse begins raising their voice and things escalate from there – generally over something trivial. Over the years, we’ve seen changes.

The couple is not going to get a divorce, and eventually accepts one another as they are and ignores the petty stuff. Recently a friend’s wife made a comment which historically would have triggered a Jackie Gleason comment, “To the moon!” Instead, he looked at me, grinning from ear to ear, and shrugged his shoulders. Sometimes the problem we have to solve is controlling how we react to things.

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Be satisfied with what you have. A friend recently commented about the lottery jackpot going into hundreds of millions. He asked, “If you won, at your age, what would you do differently?”

For generations we have dreamed about what would happen if we actually hit the big prize. Today, I’d probably find a way to charter travel back and forth between Indiana and Florida (with the cat), but not really much else.

Richest is not who ends up with most, but who is truly satisfied with what they have. I recently wrote that a comfortable retirement is not having to constantly worry about money. That doesn’t mean millionaire status, but rather having enough income to provide a good, independent lifestyle for the duration.

Death may win, but we want to redefine win/loss. Friend Chuck Butler was diagnosed with cancer when his youngest son was in grade school. Life doesn’t always stop when something breaks. Chuck has been dealing with cancer for 20 years, and is enjoying being a grandpa – and is also a midwestern snow bird, heading to Florida for the cold winter months.

Jo and I talked about elders/friends who made the most out of every minute, versus those who became angry/bitter for years before their time came.

One lifelong friend, Maggie, was diagnosed with cancer and underwent several horribly difficult treatments. I recall sharing this quote with her, “Sometimes, even to live is an act of courage.” (Seneca)

Maggie acknowledged that there were some days that was totally true, but was quick to correct me. During the bad days, you fear they will last forever; however, when times are great you also feel the same – they will last forever. With a big smile, she said, “I have good days and bad days. The good days still out number the bad ones and I live to enjoy them to the fullest.”

When Maggie announced she had declined any further cancer treatment we understood why. Ten months later, Jo and I were at our grandson’s school football game. Jo handed me her cell phone with a photo of Maggie, grinning from ear to ear. She too was at her grandson’s game with the bonus of her granddaughter being a cheerleader. That night Maggie died in her sleep.

Jo’s mother, Helen dealt with cancer for many years. She was in her early 90’s when we had a huge family Christmas celebration. We have priceless photos of grandson Braidyn sitting on her lap playing the piano singing Christmas Carols. Grandma was in her glory.

After the holidays she went home, caught a cold which quickly turned into pneumonia. She died the first week in January.

The heart doctor is right, death always wins. I’m not convinced Maggie or Grandma Helen were losers. Their positive outlook; determination to enjoy life as best they could set the tone. Maggie and Helen figured out the game and played like winners until the very end. They lived, laughed, loved and were totally comfortable and at peace with their situation.

Keep on keeping on!

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On The Lighter Side…

When I come across a potential column idea I print it out, and it goes into a stack by subject matter. This week I made a choice between writing this article sharing feelings, versus discussing the Federal Reserve raising rates and what to expect. I just wasn’t in the mood for the latter….maybe next week.

The baseball playoffs have begun. The first games are wild card games. The odds are stacked against the wild card teams, and eventually they will face the big money teams that are loaded with pitching. However, there have been times the lower seeded team gets hot and wins the whole shebang. When it happens, understandably the fans go nuts, the team has exceeded their expectations for sure.

My beloved Cubs ended the regular season as a top hitting and fielding team in baseball, while their pitching ranks near the bottom. Going into the late innings with a small lead is stressful for Cub fans. They start the playoffs in San Diego and their season could be over before this arrives in your inbox. Hope for the best, but fear the worst….such is the life of a sports fan.

Quote of the Week….

“If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and, when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, ‘I will be bigger than you.  You cannot defeat me’.”

— Ann Landers

And finally….

We will let some Jimmy Buffet wisdom carry us across the finish line this week.

Take naps like they’re happy hour. Don’t let anyone shame you for nodding off. Naps are nature’s way of giving you a little slice of paradise.

Remember: sand in your shoes is better than snow in your driveway.” If retirement hasn’t taught you to be a snowbird yet, well, what’re you waitin’ for?

When in doubt, flip-flop it out. Ditch the fancy shoes. Life’s too short for anything that’s not comfortable.

Forget the beach body. Just make sure your hat has a good brim. Cover up, sunscreen up, and enjoy the beach—life’s better with a good tan and no sunburn.

Splurge on the good guacamole, your kids can fight over the will. Why save all the fun for later? Enjoy it now. Life’s short, guac is extra, so live a little.

Smile lines are just proof you’ve lived right. Wear those wrinkles with pride, they’re a souvenir from the ride.

Go barefoot whenever you can. Life’s more fun with sand between your toes and grass under your feet.

Tell your kids you’re off to chase the sunset. They may think you’re joking, but there’s magic in those last golden rays. Chase ’em, catch ’em, soak it all in.

And my favorite….

• Always carry two things: reading glasses and a sense of humor.” Life’s clearer with both.

Until next time…

Dennis Miller

“Economic independence is the foundation of the only sort of freedom worth a damn.” – H. L. Mencken

 

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