This Time Feels Different!

Each year at this time, I take some time to decompress, bring the financial records up to date (the tax man cometh), think about years past and ponder what the future holds. I don’t plan the time, but for several years the break around New Years provides the opportunity.

This year feels different. I found myself thinking about New Years, 1956. I was about to turn 16, get a drivers license and newfound freedom. There was much less past to ponder then and the future felt limitless.

A very special teacher asked the class, “What do you think you will be doing 10 years from now? Most said, “I don’t know.” He suggested looking around at 26-year-old adults, see what they do, look like, and pick one you like. You can work toward having the kind of life you imagine.

My viewing options were limited; most 26-year-old men were married, worked hard to support their family, their wife stayed home raising the family, and they appeared happy. Sure enough, in the blink of an eye, I was there, three children, working hard trying to make ends meet. Challenging times financially, but a happy family.

“Don’t be afraid to start over. You may like your new story better.” — Unknown

Fast Forward 30 years

The next 30 years whizzed by like a flash. In 1986, I was divorced and starting over financially, emotionally and deep down afraid.

I found Dr. Jane, a wonderful counselor who came into my life at the right time. I told her, “I don’t ever want to get divorced again, it was difficult for our entire family.” She offered a simple suggestion, “If you are dating someone who you feel has possibilities, ask them where they see themselves 5 years and 10 years from now. Take your time and choose wisely!”

Blending the advice from mentors at 16 and 46, I spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of life I wanted to be living in 5-10 & 20 years. The kids would be grown; there would be choices unlike never before. My world had expanded; I had plenty of seniors to observe. Many lived a lifestyle I wanted no part of, while others would be envied, some parts were cool, others were not – pick and choose! What would be realistic?

Most important was financial and emotional freedom. I’d been racing through airports with high-stress deadlines for too many years. I wanted to own my time and be able to do things I enjoy with a partner who loves to do the same things.

I began following Dr. Jane’s advice and was surprised by many of the responses I received. It was obvious, some wanted a future much different from that which I envisioned. I realized that is what dating is all about, getting to know people. Society had radically changed from when I was dating as a young man. I met some wonderful people, but I didn’t desire to partner with them for the duration. I’m sure they felt the same way about me.

Fate happens!

On my third date with Jo, we went to a Chinese restaurant. At the end of dinner my fortune cookie arrived. “Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.” Later that evening I followed Dr. Jane’s advice and asked Jo what she saw for her future. What she described was much in line with what I hoped for down the road. It was a complete surprise, and a bit scary!

Dr. Jane cautioned, take your time. If you meet someone who you feel might have real possibilities let things play out – you are both learning. You will be validating your feelings or seeing things which you didn’t know earlier. She said, “Remember you don’t ever want to get divorced again.”

I tucked the fortune cookie in the sleeve with Jo’s picture and put it in my wallet, following Dr. Jane’s advice; keep on dating, see where things go…. A year later I asked Jo to marry me. As an aside, Dr. Jane moved away; five years later I tracked her down, called and thanked her. It was a wonderful conversation.

The picture and fortune cookie remain safely in my wallet; I welcome any excuse to show it to friends.

Fast Forward 40 more years

Now, soon to be 86, I echo what most seniors feel, the time (and life) seems to have flown by. Where did the time go?

For the most part, our dreams have come true; many things we’ve loved doing together we could not have imagined 40 years ago. I jokingly told friends, “Test your marriage, try full timing it in a 400 square foot motor home for a few years.” Loved it, those memories are cherished. Our values are aligned and we’ve worked well together. Our family is truly blended; Grandma Jo is a fixture for all the offspring.

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So, what feels different this year?

I sat quietly in the office in our new Florida home sipping early morning coffee, daydreaming about the past and the future. A couple things hit me! I now have decades of past to think about, reminisce and love, but what about the future? Most of my cousins are gone, those who remain are surrounded by family, travel limited by age, but have a terrific attitude and are happy each day. The time/life scale has totally reversed from 70 years ago when I was a teen beginning to think about my future.

Our year end article, What is happiness? leaned on Webster for a definition – Webster is pretty straightforward, “a state of well-being and contentment.” Contentment wears well.

“Don’t regret growing older. It’s a privilege denied to many.” — Unknown

Once cancer entered the picture in 2019, the reality of aging can no longer be ignored. Regardless of our age, no one is promised tomorrow; we don’t know what the future will bring.

While we are sliding across the scale of life, with more behind us each day, it does not prevent is from enjoying the moment and planning for a good future ahead – however long it may be.

On January 2^nd, I posed the following quote on my Miller On The Money (check it out, one quote per day) Facebook page.

“Let’s start the year with great optimism, and at the end of the year be proud that we exceeded our expectations. Happy New Year!”

I feel fortunate to have dwelled on events from 1956. Seventy years later I’ve made more than my share of mistakes, learned a lot, been very lucky, and considered myself very blessed.

Baby Boomers may no longer be planning 10-20 years ahead, the time frame is different, but the process is not!

I hope to continue my New Years tradition of chilling out, reflecting and planning for years to come.

Working together, Jo and I still plan our future, things we want to do, prepare for and look forward to. In looking at those ahead of us on Father Time’s scale, I am firmly convinced that one should not be worried about getting old as much as they should be about “thinking old!”

Keep on keeping on….

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On The Lighter Side…

Christmas was full of surprises.

I’d planned on releasing our year end article on Monday the 29^th. The computer thought otherwise. On Christmas morning I opened my inbox and it appeared. Noooo, I didn’t want to bother readers on Christmas. I imagined most wouldn’t notice, much less take the time to read it on Christmas day.

Surprise #2, was the opposite. My inbox received dozens of notes, wishing us Merry Christmas, wonderful comments about our happiness article, encouraging me to continue the process, share more feelings from the heart.

I told Jo, our readers are special – thank you one and all for taking the time and helping to make this Christmas wonderful and memorable.

We arrived in Florida late the 27^th and began unpacking. We have plenty of boxes that need attention. Sorting through a lot of pictures is a huge challenge; we have less than half the wall space we had in Arizona. We’re are making progress.

While we stayed home New Year’s Eve, we dined out on New Year’s Day. Jo commented, “For us being seniors, we have got a lot done in the last few days.” Indeed, progress, no matter how slow, is still progress. Our trash pickup has been lots of empty boxes, and we are seeing much more floor these days.

I’d originally planned on doing some heavy research for this week, but it can wait. Encouraged by readers, I decided to write today’s column, just sharing some feelings for the world to see. The stress from the markets and world events be damned, we will get to it later!

Quote of the Week!

Found this in my inbox recently, seems appropriate:

“All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost.” — JRR Tolkien, from “The Fellowship of the Ring.”

And Finally…

Jo sent me some clever New Year’s Resolutions/puns

• To lose the weight I put on last year. But in my defense, I had a lot on my plate last year.
• To buy a cheap hairpiece for my bald spot. It will be a small price toupee.
• To visit the Grand Canyon. I’ve heard it’s just gorges.
• To clean all the mirrors in the house. Honestly, I could really see myself doing that.
• To stop procrastinating. Eventually.
• To search the house for my favorite watch I lost last year. I just hope I can find the time.
• To install a giant picture window in my living room, which I know will be a big pane.
• To start a condescending Facebook group. I hope some of you will patronize it.
• To sell my vacuum cleaner. It’s just collecting dust.
• To immediately stop eating deli meats, but it will be hard to quit cold turkey.
• To refuse to attend funerals before 10 a.m. I’m just not an early mourning person.
• To get over my fear of hurdles, but it may take a leap of faith.
• To replace all my shoelaces with Velcro straps. Well, why knot?

And my favorite:

• To order a chicken and an egg online to see which comes first.

Until next time…

Dennis Miller

“Economic independence is the foundation of the only sort of freedom worth a damn.” – H. L. Mencken

 

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