What Is Happiness?

At the end of each year, I like to write a mentoring article, sharing some of my life’s experiences, feeling and lessons. They are from the heart, and I sincerely hope others may benefit/enjoy my sharing these hard learned lessons.

For several summers in my youth, my grandmother, two aunts and I would load up the car and take a two-week vacation visiting family in the south. Those were special times, memories I cherish, as I got to know and love my southern cousins.

Two of my cousins, W.L. Jr. and Shirley lived on a farm in rural Tennessee. They were certainly not rednecks, just good, down to earth “country folk.” Their life was quite different from mine, growing up in the Chicago area.

They never wore shoes in the summer except for church on Sunday. I loved their simple country church, sitting on benches with no backs, surrounded by families all decked out in their Sunday best. We sang from the same hymnal we used at my hometown church. There was no air conditioning, but no one seemed to care.

One Sunday the preacher didn’t show up. No problem, my uncle (W.L. Sr.) stood up, walked to the pulpit and gave a beautiful sermon. I thought to myself, my hometown preacher would be doggone proud of him! He was just a simple farmer speaking from the heart….

Our fun time was my grandmother and aunts working together creating a huge noon meal, swimming in the creek (skinny dipping when there were no girls around), doing simple fun things. I loved it. They were hard working, smart, family loving, with a good sense of values. I felt a special bond through my entire life.

My cousins married, lived on the same land, and raised wonderful families.

W.L. drove a big rig all over America until he was involved in a terrible accident and had to retire, much too young. We communicated regularly.

I once asked him what he did all day…. He was excited to tell me he had built a contraption to attract and feed squirrels. He would put out a couple ears of corn and loved watching them. At the time, I was spending 40+ weeks a year, racing through airports, flying all over the world; I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t!

Whenever I was close, I would visit, always greeted with a wonderful smile and hug. W.L, his sister and their spouses were some of the most wonderful, happiest people I’d ever met.

There were times I compared our situations; he was happy, and I felt like I was on a never-ending treadmill, always too busy. My “to do” list was a constant source of frustration.

In my late 40’s I met a wonderful counselor, Dr. Jane. She was doing what she was born to do…. I asked her “What does it take to be truly happy?”

Expecting a short, probably canned response, I was surprised. She took out a pad of paper and began writing. The discussion took over an hour. She made three columns, “Doing – Having – Being.” She then defined each:

Doing – constantly busy, feeling you have to be doing something from morning to night.

Having – Accumulation of things. Constantly feeling a need for more.

Being – Just being — chilling out comfortably.

Dr. Jane said, “Until you learn to be able to Just BE, you will never be truly happy.” I immediately thought of W.L. watching squirrels and loving it. He was happy….

OK, BUT!

I was recently divorced, and starting over. I didn’t have time to “Just BE.” I looked up happiness – Webster is pretty straightforward, “a state of well-being and contentment.” Maybe later, right now I’m too busy….

Moving Ahead

In the next few years, I married Jo and we began working together to build our blended family and get on a good financial footing.

I’ve defined a successful retirement as “being financially able to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, without constantly having to worry about money.”

Conflict

While Dr. Jane preached the need to comfortably “Just BE,” it contradicted with something I believe – “Boredom is the biggest enemy of the retiree.” I’ve preached always having something fun on the calendar in the future so you can plan and have something to look forward to. Go have fun and repeat the process. Seems to work for us….

Dr. Jane defines that as constantly doing, keeping busy, doing everything possible to keep boredom from knocking on the door. If I weren’t doing something, I would get easily bored. I’ve told friends I love my researching and writing; it gives me something to do and I feel like I am still contributing.

Life’s Lessons Never Stop

Six years ago, cancer arrived. I spent several months going for treatment, sitting and sleeping in my easy chair for days on end. I had the television off, trying to sleep whenever I could.

Things began to improve, now, at 85, I go for treatment every six weeks and feel much better. I consider myself lucky.

Our world is different today, no desire to travel, no more cruises – visiting family and friends, cards and dining out fill much of our calendar. We still do plenty of fun things, but they are not the same as the past. There are days I look around and realize, I don’t have anything on the “to do” list.

Somewhere along the way something hit me like a ton of bricks. When W. L. told me he spent his day watching squirrels, he wasn’t bored. Doing simple things with no real schedule can be lots of fun. He enjoyed seeing the babies, watching their families grow. Each day was a new adventure.

I’m realizing part of aging is a balance between doing fun things, and enjoying the days when you have nothing to do, being content most every day.

The Biggie!

The real lesson for me was having nothing to do, enjoying it, and not feeling guilty! When I was younger, if I took a few hours off, many times I really didn’t enjoy it because I felt guilty; thinking of all the things I should be doing.

Today, I may still have things on my list to do, but they can wait until tomorrow – just relax, take a nap, watch something fun on TV and not get stressed. It’s the absence of guilt that brings the contentment….

As I look back at my family elders, and observe my peers today, I realize those who seem to be happy have their financial house in order and have found their personal balance between busy and “Just BEING.”

I’m reminded of the lady who said, “I wondered how a cat can be totally entertained playing with a toy on the floor for over ten minutes. Then I realized, I was totally entertained watching the cat!”

For years I thought happiness was the unchecked excitement of a walk off home run, or adrenalin pumping thrills from an amusement park roller coaster. It’s so much more.

Recently Jo and I were cranked back in our chairs watching a video of Christmas music. I closed my eyes, enjoying the music, singing the lyrics in my head. My nose began to itch and I suddenly realized we were holding hands. I scratched with my free hand; not a word was said.

Today, I’ve realized happiness is a state of mind, no drama required. Webster reminded us, “a state of well-being and contentment.” We never planned it that way, it’s constantly evolving, but it sure feels good.

I hope sharing my lessons/feelings may cause some to reassess their perspective. Retirees may not have that much time left, and enjoying the rest of the ride is something to look forward to – each and every day. Relax, no guilt and fun things will emerge.

My definition of happiness has evolved over the decades. It’s not as event based as when we were younger, but truly the contentment of “Just BEING,” enjoying each day and what life brings….

Help keep us online! I love it when readers thank me for “telling it like it is” for providing content they won’t find in the mainstream media. I’ve been sent to Facebook purgatory a few times – they didn’t approve. Free speech isn’t appreciated in all circles. When I started Miller On The Money, I vowed to keep our newsletter FREE! I’ve kept my promise – our weekly letter is an expensive hobby. Donations are our primary source of financial support, and what keeps us going. We don’t peddle your name to anyone. I’ve turned down proposals from advertisers, feeling their offerings were inappropriate for our readers. Readers pitching in to help offset our cost are much appreciated. It’s strictly voluntary – no pressure – no hassle! If you want to help, click the DONATE button below. You do not have to sign up for PayPal to use your credit card. And thank you all!

On The Lighter Side…

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas surrounded by loving family, making wonderful memories.

Jo and I headed south to celebrate New Years Eve at our Florida home. We asked the neighbor what everyone does on New Year’s Eve. He grinned and said, “Go to bed after the evening news, just like every other night.”

At the time I’m writing this, we have nothing planned, and that’s just fine. Depending on the weather, we will probably enjoy an early dinner and may stay up until the stroke of midnight… A warm kiss, “Happy New Year” and fast asleep in a few short minutes.

I hope everyone has a wonderful, happy and prosperous 2026!

In the words of famous disc jockey, Wolfman Jack, “See ya on the flip side!”

Until next time…

Dennis Miller

“Economic independence is the foundation of the only sort of freedom worth a damn.” – H. L. Mencken

 

Affiliate Link Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase after clicking these links, we will earn a commission that goes to help keep Miller on the Money running. Thank you for your support!